Secrets St. Martin Resort & Spa - All Inclusive - Adults Only Saint Martin (France)
Okay, here we go… buckle up, buttercups. This is gonna be a messy dive into… well, St. Martin’s BEST Kept Secret. And before you ask, yes, I'm talking about that adults-only paradise. The one they whisper about.
So, the marketing blurb probably goes something like, “Escape the ordinary! Indulge in luxury! Find tranquility!” blah blah blah. Honestly? Screw that. I’m here to tell you what REALLY went down. And trust me, it’s less glossy brochure and more… well, let’s just call it a messy, delightful reality.
First off, the journey. Getting there? Oh, that was its own adventure. My flight was delayed, of course. Needed to get a mediocre airport coffee and a surprisingly good croissant, just to survive. Then, finally on the island, I swear the cab driver (Luis, I think? Luis with the sunglasses perched on his head like a… a crown? Anyway…) decided to take the scenic route. Which involved a lot of hairpin turns, near-misses with brightly colored mopeds, and Luis belting out what I think was a local folk song. By the time I arrived, I was a rumbling mix of anticipation, jet lag, and a vague fear of heights(turns out, I had quite an experience with "stairway to heaven").
The Arrival & The First "Whoa"
Okay, so, I pull up to the gates… and let me tell you, the place is stunning. Pictures don't do it justice. Think… lush greenery, sparkling turquoise water, and these ridiculously elegant villas that practically SCREAM "leave your worries at the door." I mean, genuinely, for a second, I thought I’d somehow stumbled into a movie set. And for a second, the jet lag nearly knocked me on the beach.
But here’s the thing. That first "whoa" moment? Yeah, it comes with a tiny dose of… anxiety. Because you’ve arrived, alright? You're in the place you'd dreamed about, planned for, saved for… and suddenly it’s like, “Okay… now what?” Do I look cool enough? Do I act cool enough? The first cocktail? My shaky hands almost spilled the whole thing, but the fruity taste was divine.
My God, The Cocktails (And the Impressiveness of the Bartender)
Speaking of cocktails… oh, the cocktails. Let’s get this straight, I am not normally a "fancy cocktail" kind of person. I'm a "beer in a can" kind of girl. But these cocktails? They elevated my tastebuds to levels I didn't know existed. The bartender, (I think his name was Jean-Pierre? Gorgeous, by the way, and moved with the effortless grace of a… well, a bartender who clearly knew his stuff. Also, I noticed he was wearing a vintage Rolex… but that's beside the point.) was a master. He didn't just make drinks, he crafted them. And he'd chat with you while doing it! I think that the cocktail gave me the courage to ask a gorgeous woman for a dance.
The "All Inclusive" Dilemma
So, the whole “all-inclusive” thing? It’s a blessing and a curse, right? On one hand, endless food and drink? HELL YES. On the other hand… well, the temptation to overindulge is real. I swear, I saw a woman spend a solid four hours lounging poolside just sampling every single appetizer on the menu. And you know what? I respected it. I did some of the same. The food, by the way, was genuinely incredible. Fresh seafood, exotic fruits, and enough variety to keep even the pickiest eater (read: me, sometimes) content.
The "Room Service Incident"
Okay, this is where it gets a little… messy. Early on, I decided to order room service because, hey, I was on vacation and damn it, the room had a balcony with an ocean view! I pictured myself, lounging in a fluffy robe, sipping champagne, and writing the great American novel.
Reality? The food arrived promptly. The robe? I forgot it. I sat on the floor in my underwear. When my food was delivered, I accidentally spilled a giant coffee, and when I tried to get my waitress a tip, my credit card wasn't working. Embarrassing to the extreme.
The Unexpected Connection
But you know what? That’s the thing about this place. It’s not about the perfect Instagram photos. It’s about the messy, the unexpected, the real. I ended up chatting with a couple by the pool. They were celebrating their 30th anniversary. They’d seen a lot. They’d weathered storms. And they were hilarious. They told me the most ridiculous stories. We laughed until our sides hurt. And that – that was the magic. That connection. That feeling of shared joy.
The "Not-So-Secret Secret" of the Spa (and the awkward massage)
Okay, so the spa. Oh, the spa. I’m not going to lie, I was a little intimidated. I mean, I'm not a spa person. I'm more of a "smear some sunscreen on and hit the beach" kind of gal. But, I was talked into booking a massage, and ended up doing the couples package with a guy.
The massage started great. And I mean, it was relaxing. The music? Perfect. The essential oils? Divine. But then… my masseur (who, let’s be honest, I think was, like, a professional muscle-knitting magician) started talking. At first, it was polite small talk. Then… things got a little… philosophical. About life, about dreams, about the meaning of all things. My brain was fried after reading a mystery novel all day, and I just wanted a massage. And there was this awkward silence towards the end, and I was unsure of what to do.
And then there was the, um, slightly too vigorous back massage. I'm still not sure if it was the massage or the conversation, but it ended in a very awkward silence, and lots of blushing on my part.
The Finale: A Little More Clumsy, A Little More Human
Leaving? That was tough. I mean, there were tears involved. Okay, maybe a couple. And I almost missed my flight because I was trying to cram one last cocktail down my throat.
But as I sat on that plane, staring at the vast expanse of blue below, I knew. I’d found something special. It wasn't just the luxury. It wasn't just the perfect weather. It was the genuine connection, the laughter, the little imperfections. It was the chance to be utterly, beautifully, wonderfully… me. And that, my friends, is the real secret of St. Martin’s BEST Kept Secret. Go. Just… go. And don’t be afraid to be a little messy along the way.
St. Martin's BEST Kept Secret: Adults-Only Paradise? Let's Dive In! (A Messy, Honest Review)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to spill the tea – or, you know, the rum punch – on St. Martin's "BEST Kept Secret." And lemme tell ya, after surviving a week there, I'm still processing. They bill it as an adults-only paradise, and… well, it's complicated. This isn't your polished brochure review, friends. This is the raw, unfiltered truth, complete with my (occasionally questionable) opinions and the kind of details you only get from someone who’s actually been there, not just glanced at the glossy photos.
SEO & Metadata Stuff (Gotta Play the Game, Right?):
- Keywords: St. Martin, Saint Martin, Adults-Only Resort, Caribbean, Luxury, Spa, Beach, All-Inclusive, Relaxation, Romance, Honeymoon, St. Martin Hotels, SXM, French St. Martin, Dutch St. Maarten, Best Kept Secret, Review, Hotel Review, Travel Review, Accessibility, Pool, Restaurant, Bar, COVID Safety
- Meta Description: An honest and hilarious review of St. Martin's "BEST Kept Secret" adult-only resort. Dive into the details, from luxurious spa treatments to the reality of the food, the accessibility, and the overall vibe. Is it paradise? Find out!
- Title: St. Martin's "BEST Kept Secret" Review: Paradise Found (or Slightly Lost?)
First Impressions (and My Panic About Mosquitoes):
Landing on St. Martin is always a rush. The airport's tiny, the air is thick with that sweet tropical humidity, and you're immediately hit with the scent of sunscreen and…wait for it…mosquito repellent. Seriously, stock up on the stuff! The hotel itself? Well, the exterior is… promising. Think crisp whites, bougainvillea spilling over walls, and that tantalizing glimpse of the ocean. Check-in was supposed to be "contactless," which involved a lot of fumbling with a QR code on my phone, but hey, at least someone was trying to be modern. The lobby…a bit sterile, if I'm honest. Lots of white, maybe a few too many orchids. My first thought? "Where are the comfy chairs? I need to decompress after the flight!"
Accessibility: The Good, the Meh, and the "Hmm…"
Okay, let's get the important stuff out of the way first: accessibility. Wheelchair accessible? Officially, yes. Elevator? Yes, thank goodness. Facilities for disabled guests? Check. But, and it's a big "but," navigating the resort wasn't always smooth sailing. Some of the pathways felt a bit narrow, and the distance between rooms and the main areas (pool, restaurants) was a bit of a hike. It's doable, but maybe not ideal for everyone.
Rooms: Comfort vs. Style (and the Great Blackout Curtain Debate)
My room? Spacious, with a balcony overlooking the sea. Air conditioning? Glorious. Blackout curtains? Yes! (A huge win for this light sleeper). Complimentary Wi-Fi? Of course, and it worked like a charm (thank heavens for Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!, as they've boasted). In-room safe box? Present and accounted for. Mini bar? Stocked with… well, not my preferred choices, but more on that later. The bed? Firm, but comfortable. Extra long bed? Yes!
The decor was… minimalist. Lots of white and beige. Think "luxury spa waiting room." But clean, thankfully. Daily housekeeping? They were on it, and the daily disinfection in common areas gave me a semblance of safety. I also appreciated the hand sanitizer stations scattered around.
The Great Internet Debate (and the Case for Wireless Freedom):
While the Wi-Fi [free] was reliable in the rooms, I had some trouble connecting in a few of the public areas. Internet [LAN] in the room? Not that I noticed, and frankly, I’m glad. Who needs a physical cable anymore? Thank goodness for the Wi-Fi in public areas, though it was hit and miss. I mean, come on, this is 2024! We need seamless connectivity for all our Insta-worthy moments!
Dining and Drinking: A Culinary Adventure (with a Side of "Meh")
Okay, let's talk food. This is where things get, shall we say, interesting.
- Restaurants: Several options, including the main buffet-style eatery (the buffet in restaurant… let's just say it was there). The A la carte in restaurant options were better, especially the seafood place – the grilled snapper was divine. The Asian cuisine in restaurant was a hit.
- The Bar: Poolside and well-stocked. Happy hour was a must (those cocktails were strong!), and the poolside bar was the perfect spot for people-watching.
- The Food (the Honest Truth): The breakfast buffet (breakfast [buffet]) was… standard. Nothing mind-blowing. The Coffee/tea in restaurant was decent. The lunch options were better, and the dinners were hit-or-miss. The Vegetarian restaurant was a saving grace for me! The desserts in restaurant were pretty good. I wish there had been more local cuisine.
- Room Service: Available 24-hour, which was a lifesaver on a few occasions (especially after a few too many cocktails).
- Snack bar: Perfect for a quick bite.
The Spa: Where Bliss Met a Price Tag (and a Run-in with a Steam Room)
Ah, the spa. This is where they really try to sell you the "paradise" dream.
- The good: The massage was heavenly. The Body scrub and Body wrap were pure indulgence. The Pool with view was breathtaking.
- The…less good: The pricing was steep. I mean, seriously, my bank account is still recovering.
- The slightly terrifying: The steamroom. Let's just say I might have spent a little too long in there (I swear it felt like a sauna!), and nearly passed out. Learn from my mistakes, folks! Limit your time!
- Spa/sauna: The combination was awesome, just be careful!
Things to Do/Ways to Relax: Beyond the Beach
- Swimming pool [outdoor]: Gorgeous, well-maintained, and a perfect temperature.
- Gym/fitness: I peeked. Looked well-equipped, but I'm on vacation, people!
- Sauna: Had to be careful as described before!
- Poolside bar: Essential. Perfect for people-watching and cocktail-sipping.
- Bicycle parking: Available, but didn't see much usage, maybe due to the terrain?
- Terrace: A great spot to relax!
Cleanliness and Safety: Did They Really Try?
Honestly? Yes. I was impressed by their efforts.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Check!
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Check!
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere!
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Seemed like it.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: They seemed to be.
- Safe dining setup: They did their best with the safe dining setup.
- Cashless payment service: Convenient.
Things I'd Change (If I Were Queen of this Resort):
- More authentic local cuisine: Come on, guys! Embrace the Caribbean flavors!
- More comfortable public spaces: Those white sofas were… cold.
- Better signage: I got lost a few times.
- Streamline the spa pricing: Seriously, it's a bit much.
The Verdict: Is it a "BEST Kept Secret"?
Look, it has its charms. It's clean, the staff is generally friendly, and the location is stunning. It's an okay spot. But… it's not perfect. It definitely leans into the "luxury" vibe, and while some aspects deliver on that, others fall a little flat. It's a nice place to unwind but not somewhere I'd call my absolute #1 favorite after a few days.
Would I recommend it? Maybe. If you're looking for a relatively safe and stylish adult-only getaway, and aren't too picky about the food or the price tag, then yeah, give it a shot. But if you're expecting a truly mind-blowing, life-altering experience? Temper your expectations. Bring your own bug spray. And for the love of all that is holy, don't overdo it in the steam room.
What makes St. Martin's a good vacation spot for adults?
St. Martin offers a blend of relaxation and excitement, perfect for adults. The island boasts stunning beaches, crystal-clear waters ideal for swimming and water sports, and a vibrant nightlife. The opportunity to explore the French and Dutch sides provides unique cultural experiences and diverse dining options. The "adults-only paradise" aspect provides a tranquil and intimate atmosphere, away from the hustle and bustle often found in family-focused resorts.
Are there specific areas or resorts on St. Martin that cater to adults only?
Yes, St. Martin has several resorts and hotels specifically designed for adults. These establishments often prioritize a more relaxed atmosphere, focusing on couples and adult groups. They typically have amenities like on-site spas, private pools, gourmet dining options, and curated activities tailored to a sophisticated clientele, ensuring a peaceful and upscale experience.
What kind of activities can adults enjoy in St. Martin?
Adults can enjoy a wide variety of activities in St. Martin. These include: sunbathing and water sports on pristine beaches, exploring secluded coves and bays, indulging in luxury spa treatments, enjoying fine dining experiences, sampling the local nightlife, and shopping for high-end goods in the duty-free shops. Excursions such as boat trips to nearby islands like Anguilla and St. Barth can also be arranged.
How does St. Martin's nightlife compare to other Caribbean destinations?
St. Martin has a vibrant and diverse nightlife, offering something for everyone. From lively beach bars and casinos on the Dutch side to sophisticated lounges and clubs on the French side, the island provides a range of entertainment options. Compared to other Caribbean destinations, St. Martin's nightlife is known for its blend of French flair and Caribbean vibrancy, offering a unique and energetic experience.
What is the best time to visit St. Martin as an adult?
The best time to visit St. Martin as an adult is during the shoulder seasons (April-May and November-December). These months offer pleasant weather, fewer crowds compared to peak season (December-April), and often, more competitive pricing. You can still enjoy all the amenities of the high season without the high volume of visitors.
